Tough Mudder Thoughts

If any of you follow my blog Waiting for Morning you have probably read by now that I didn't finish the Tough Mudder.

To make a long story short the cold and wet became too much for me and I called it a day at mile 5.5. A few hours under warm blankets and some dry clothes made me good as new except for my wounded pride.

It really bothers me that I didn't finish.

It has been a few weeks now and I've spent a lot of time mulling this over in my mind. The whole point of this blog, of my life, is to persevere...so you can imagine that this isn't sitting well with me. But at the same time, there is something to be said about taking on something that could very well be too much. Only pursuing what we are certain to succeed at doesn't build character. It is the risk involved, the very real potential of failure, that makes succeeding-persevering-a triumph. Nothing is accomplished in playing it safe...

Which is all well and good when, despite the odds, the goal is met. Then you can have a party and pat yourself on the back and feel super good about all the hard work you put in because, well, it all paid off.

But what about when it isn't? What about FAILURE?

I don't like FAILURE. Mostly I don't like it because I don't like the feeling that accompanies it. Failure feels like the moment just before you throw up, that really sick feeling accompanied by complete panic-you know exactly what I mean. But unlike being sick, failure lingers. It sticks with you. Well, it sticks with me.

The fact of the matter is, I did not meet my goal. I set out to finish the Tough Mudder and I didn't. That disappoints me. But...

Lets keep it in perspective. The Tough Mudder was a HUGE goal for me. From the beginning I worried it was over my head. And although I trained very hard for it, I knew it wasn't hard enough. Life prevented me from being where I knew I needed to be. And that happens sometimes. I am not one of those in shape even when I'm out of shape type of people. Being a mom and wife and running my tea company took its toll on me. I did my best with the time I had, but at the end of the day my limited time was NOT enough. Unfortunately this is real life and that is what happens in real life-we are not always as ready as we need to be.

These are not excuses though, just facts. I didn't succeed at the Tough Mudder YET-but the experience was not lost on me. I learned TONS about myself. I learned that I like belly crawling though mud and gravel. I learned that, through will power alone, I can submerge myself in ice cold water. I also learned that I know when enough is enough. I know my limits and I know when to call it a day. Sometimes it is better to live to fight another day.

The single benefit of failure is that I will use the experience to succeed at my next Tough Mudder. Yes-I am not finished. I said that I would finish the entire thing and I will. I wasn't successful two weeks ago but that doesn't mean I just throw my hands up. It means that I get even MORE ready and I try AGAIN until I succeed.

Because that is what perseverance is-never giving up.

Failure is only failure if we let it stop us. Failure becomes power if we let it motivate us.

And trust me. I am feeling pretty motivated right now.

Here is my last thought...as I climbed up the mountain in Snow Valley two weeks ago surrounded by other Tough Mudders along side my wonderful teammates (and friends) I thought about my girls. I was cold (ridiculously cold) and wet and really starting to doubt my ability to make it to the end. Mentally I was struggling as much as I was struggling physically. I felt overwhelmed-the altitude, the cold, the wet, the incline, the distance-it all seemed beyond my capabilities. But so did losing my girls three years ago. Grief is a tough mountain to climb too. I never thought I'd survive it.

Yet here I am.

The Tough Mudder was TOUGH. Super tough. But hands down, grief was (is) tougher. And I had to be carried down the mountain of grief more than once before I finally made it to the top. I broke down countless time convinced I just couldn't go another step. But I refused to give up. I had failures. I had set backs. I faced things I didn't even know I'd be facing-things I wasn't ready for. But I didn't let it stop me. I let the failure teach me how to succeed the next time around and I tried as many times as I need to...

I'll be stronger the next time I step on that mountain, any mountain.

So I guess it wasn't as much of a failure as it was a set back. And in the scheme of things, it was a privilege to be "set back"- I am stronger for it.

I'll keep you posted on my next Tough Mudder adventure. I will earn that orange head band soon enough.

~RACHEL

Five Weeks Left

OK!

Countdown: Five weeks until Tough Mudder!

Am I ready? No.

Will I be? Hmmm....

I guess we will find out.

With five weeks left I am feeling frantic but also motivated. Motivation comes in many forms. Fear has been a huge motivating factor for me as I train for Tough Mudder. I fear injury. I fear pain. And I fear failure. But mostly...and here come my deep confession that I am not even sure I really want to tell all of you...

I fear looking stupid.

I know that is ridiculous. But it is true. The same reason why you won't EVER find me singing Karaoke is why I am nervous about Tough Mudder. I don't want to look like a fool!

So, I decided, since I have struggled my entire life with worrying about what others think of me and fearing that they are judging me and making fun of me in their minds, that THIS is exactly the reason to do Tough Mudder.

I can no longer let my fear of being embarrassed stop me from trying new things, especially hard things I might fail at.

It is very possible that at some point on the mountain I will embarrass myself. I might fall down or eat it in ridiculous fashion off one (or more than one) obstacle. I might have to stop and walk up or down the mountain. I might. But I might not.

And even if I did, does anyone else really care that much? Who am I to think that all eyes would be on me anyway? The point is not how I look doing it, it is just that I do it. And I am determined, one way or another, to cross that finish line.

Ready or not, I will finish.

Yesterday I ran 5 miles pushing the jogger around Lake Miramar. Other than sore ankles today, it felt good. Last Saturday Kasey and I did an almost 6 mile trail run. She killed it and I struggled to keep up (no surprise there) but it did feel good and it was such a beautiful day to be out in nature running together. The week before last I did a pull-up FINALLY. My friend Ashley witnessed the event so she can vouch for me. I guess I say all this to remind myself that I am making progress.

Little by little I have gotten stronger. Little by little I have increased my conditioning. Little by little I have prepared myself to finish. Mentally I envision myself crossing (crawling perhaps) that finish line no matter what.

It is sort of like my life. Little by little I am healing, little by little I am growing, and little by little I am persevering...so I can be a woman who always finishes no matter what.

-Rachel

14 weeks left

14 weeks sounds like a lot, but it isn't. Not for the Tough Mudder. I know I'll need every single day and do not take the time for granted.

I am sore as can be. On Friday I did these jumping squat things holding weights and I jumped rope-something I have not done since high school. My calves were burning. I am also making improvements toward my pull-up goal. I hoped to improve faster than this but at least I see progress. I'm not giving up though. I will get there eventually.

I follow the Tough Mudder workout three times a week and run the other three. I take Tuesdays off completely. When March comes I'll start the Insanity DVDs and do those through April. I am not sure how I will spend May yet. Panicking probably! It will all depend on how I feel when May comes around.

This week's obstacle is the Boa Constrictor, a long up-hill tunnel we have to climb through on our bellies. Oh brother. I'll focus on core and shoulders shoulders shoulders!

I found an article with Tough Mudder training tips. Here is the link: http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=124245041. It seems helpful. I guess I'll find out on May 28th! It is worth the read if you have some spare time.

Happy Training!
~Rachel

15 weeks and 15 Obstacles

So I had this great idea to dedicate each week of training to one of the obstacles of the Tough Mudder. There are actually more than 15 obstacles, but a few of them can't really be trained for like jumping off a 15 foot platform into ice-cold water or yelling at the top of your lungs when you reach the summit. A few others simply involve endurance (running!) and I am already running three times a week. My hope is that focusing on each obstacle will not only help me train better but also help me prepare mentally. The Tough Mudder will be as psychologically challenging as it is physically challenging.

This week I will focus on preparing for the Berlin Walls, a series of 12-foot high walls I'll have to climb over.

I see lots up pull-ups in my future. And abs!

103 days left...

Tough Mudder

Me, the mud, and pure determination equals transformation

Check out www.toughmudder.com to see my newest perseverance project. This is by far the MOST challenging project I've taken on yet. I can't lie, I'm nervous. I've been training my butt off.

May 28th is the day. And I won't be alone. My amazing super-friends Kasey and Melissa will be by my side.

You may be wondering why in the world I have committed to such an event. I suppose everyone has their own reason and my reason is simple.

I'm scared and I don't want to be.

I am facing my fears. My fear of failure. My fear of pain. My fear of humiliation.

It won't be pretty. When it is over I'll be wet, dirty, exhausted...and so amazingly proud of myself.

Sometimes you just have to go for it and this is me going for it.

I hope you'll follow my progress as I train. I'm going to post the entire journey from now until I cross the finish line.

98 days to go.

~Rachel

P90X After Photos

Check out www.inshapeafterbaby.blogspot.com to see our after photos! Kasey and I both made some progress. We are excited to start the new year off right! 2011 will be exciting.

Rachel

Important FYI

Okay P90Xers!

Kasey and I decided to change the start date to Oct 4th because it makes more sense to start on a Monday. That way Sundays will be our days off. We also decided to start a completely separate (and temporary) blog for the P90X challenge at www.inshapeafterbaby.blogspot.com. It will help keep everything straight and keep everyone on track.

So, the countdown begins today. Check the new blog everyday for an informational "countdown" post as well as instructions for those of you who have jumped on board. Kasey and I will be posting our own experience and progress alternating weeks with each other for the entire 90 days.

If you are accepting our challenge please jump over to the new blog and leave a comment with your name and email address so that I can make a list.

See you soon!